I had been doubting myself and this blog over the last few days. I feel really exposed and vulnerable like I’m saying too much, being too personal.
I feel like I am committing social suicide.
I mean, if I’m being honest, I haven’t exactly had the greatest social life over the last few years. But oh well, life gives us what we need at the time that we need it.
Besides, I always sort of felt like I was faking it anyway, like I was putting on a mask, trying to be my “best self” in all situations.
But I knew this never felt right. I was hiding.
I always felt that I was holding back, like I was never really being myself.
And that’s okay. It’s hard to be yourself in this world and I think a lot of people wears “masks” just to make it through the day.
But what would happen if we stopped hiding? If we took off the mask?
I feel like nowadays the world is leveling out. I see it in gender politics and gender dynamics. The traditional roles of masculine and feminine seem to be blurring together. The world is becoming more fluid.
At the same time, people are starting to demonstrate more resistance to old and rigid expectations. More and more people are standing up, finding their voice, and taking off the mask. This is really exciting!
As more and more people throw off the expectations that have been placed on them, more permission is given to others to do the same.
That’s why I’m writing these words now. Accompanied by fear and doubt, I am trusting that if I just keep feeding the fire that is burning in my soul that something, eventually, will have to give, something will break through.
Maybe I am heading for a wall and that I will fall flat on my face and embarrass myself. Maybe I am committing a sort of social suicide.
But something tells me there are greater things to worry about. In the meantime, I will continue to stoke and feed the fire.
I started a ‘Raison d’Être’ for this blog; reasons and motivations to continue writing and further working to remove my own mask. Here are a few things that are on that list:
- To spread a message of Love
- To be a practice in Fearlessness, Courage, and Vulnerability
- To be a Leader
When I look at this list, it acts as a reminder and a way of giving myself some perspective, that maybe there’s a bigger reason than just “putting myself out there”, that it’s not really about me and more about being a leader and a light in the world, encouraging others to do the same.